Movie Reviews
OK, time to give my usual ranting a break and blog something easy on the brain. So, i'm a movie fan, i go to the movies about once/twice a week, generally with my small and cute girlfriend Claire. Here are my thoughts on some of the flicks i've seen recently.
1) Stealth. Bad news first. This movie sucks so much that it puts dyson vacuum cleaners to shame. To say it is poo is to denigrate poo. Its like top gun, if top gun were made 20 years later. Characters: one white boy, all american hero type, square jaw, zero talent, crap. One black guy, all "i'm proud blakc american made it to the top, blah blah blah", crap. One foxy lady, all "i'm a woman and have to be twice as good as the guys, its a mans game but i made it, blah, blah, blah", crap. Its not that the characters aren't diverse, its that they're so blandly, predictably diverse. Plot: well meaning but foolish command places an AI in a plane instead of a pilot, complete with obligatory "calm yet creepy" voice. AI predictably gets struck by lightning. Goes insane and starts killing everything. Eventually recognises the right course to follow and saves day. Just for once could we have an AI that does not a) go insane or b) have to follow its grisly programming and kill everyone.
So, lots of explosions, pretty people and a script with all the depth and character of McDonalds.
Overall Rating: Crap 1/5
2. Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit. Sheer genius. Gromit is as lovable as ever. Wallace is pleasantly mad as are all the villagers. The bunnies are hugely cute and cuddly. The story is blissfully simple and yet you laugh all the way through. Its hard to write a long review about it really as it was so good. You knew exactly what to expect and you got exactly that, and it was good.
Overall Rating: Comforting 5/5
3. Nightwatch. Dark and scary, reminds me of the gritty 80's vampire movies, all decaying cities and tramp like supernaturals kicking the shit out of each other across the centuries. Disturbing and enthralling at the same time. The story was good but clearly needs a sequel to finish the plot off, i hate open endings. The main character was good and the good vs evil stuff was ambiguous enough to make you think.
Overall Rating: Spooky 4/5
4. Serenity. I love Firefly, i thought it was a great series, funny without being ridiculous, cowboy without being cliche, sci-fi without being techno-geek. The characters are amazing. Mal as captain is kinda fun but with iron resolve and has great one liners. Zoe is sassy and well 'ard but also totally in love with her dorky husband Wash, who himself loves Zoe and the ship and flying and little else. Kaylee is just hugely cute, although this didn't come across quite as well in the film as the series. Jayne is pleasantly violent without really having a malicious bone in his body, just very mercenary. The movie rocked, Reavers are just about the scariest things ever, even more so for the fact that they are basically humans, the agent was suitably determined and philosophical about himself and his job, Shepherd Book was suitably mysterious as usual. The movie has some shocking plot twists for fans of the series, which i won't give away here. River also gets her usual excellent lines. Particularly after the chase near the start, where after the explosions and gun fire her only comment is "I swallowed a bug".
Overall Rating: Awesome, how sci-fi should be done, 5/5
5. Deuce Bigalow:European Gigalow. Yeah its low brow humour, yeah the jokes are obvious and tasteless, yeah the plot is non-existent, yeah its crude, rude and generally offensive but i still laughed my arse off the while way through. Some of the jokes have you laughing to stop yourself grimacing, like the russian she-john with the penis for a nose, especially where she starts sneezing. Not a good film to see if you are at all easily offended. Very good film to see if you can manage to stoop to such comedy lows (i can).
Overall Rating: cringingly hilarious 3/5
Tune in next week for more of Oli's movie reviews!
1) Stealth. Bad news first. This movie sucks so much that it puts dyson vacuum cleaners to shame. To say it is poo is to denigrate poo. Its like top gun, if top gun were made 20 years later. Characters: one white boy, all american hero type, square jaw, zero talent, crap. One black guy, all "i'm proud blakc american made it to the top, blah blah blah", crap. One foxy lady, all "i'm a woman and have to be twice as good as the guys, its a mans game but i made it, blah, blah, blah", crap. Its not that the characters aren't diverse, its that they're so blandly, predictably diverse. Plot: well meaning but foolish command places an AI in a plane instead of a pilot, complete with obligatory "calm yet creepy" voice. AI predictably gets struck by lightning. Goes insane and starts killing everything. Eventually recognises the right course to follow and saves day.
So, lots of explosions, pretty people and a script with all the depth and character of McDonalds.
Overall Rating: Crap 1/5
2. Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit. Sheer genius. Gromit is as lovable as ever. Wallace is pleasantly mad as are all the villagers. The bunnies are hugely cute and cuddly. The story is blissfully simple and yet you laugh all the way through. Its hard to write a long review about it really as it was so good. You knew exactly what to expect and you got exactly that, and it was good.
Overall Rating: Comforting 5/5
3. Nightwatch. Dark and scary, reminds me of the gritty 80's vampire movies, all decaying cities and tramp like supernaturals kicking the shit out of each other across the centuries. Disturbing and enthralling at the same time. The story was good but clearly needs a sequel to finish the plot off, i hate open endings. The main character was good and the good vs evil stuff was ambiguous enough to make you think.
Overall Rating: Spooky 4/5
4. Serenity. I love Firefly, i thought it was a great series, funny without being ridiculous, cowboy without being cliche, sci-fi without being techno-geek. The characters are amazing. Mal as captain is kinda fun but with iron resolve and has great one liners. Zoe is sassy and well 'ard but also totally in love with her dorky husband Wash, who himself loves Zoe and the ship and flying and little else. Kaylee is just hugely cute, although this didn't come across quite as well in the film as the series. Jayne is pleasantly violent without really having a malicious bone in his body, just very mercenary. The movie rocked, Reavers are just about the scariest things ever, even more so for the fact that they are basically humans, the agent was suitably determined and philosophical about himself and his job, Shepherd Book was suitably mysterious as usual. The movie has some shocking plot twists for fans of the series, which i won't give away here. River also gets her usual excellent lines. Particularly after the chase near the start, where after the explosions and gun fire her only comment is "I swallowed a bug".
Overall Rating: Awesome, how sci-fi should be done, 5/5
5. Deuce Bigalow:European Gigalow. Yeah its low brow humour, yeah the jokes are obvious and tasteless, yeah the plot is non-existent, yeah its crude, rude and generally offensive but i still laughed my arse off the while way through. Some of the jokes have you laughing to stop yourself grimacing, like the russian she-john with the penis for a nose, especially where she starts sneezing. Not a good film to see if you are at all easily offended. Very good film to see if you can manage to stoop to such comedy lows (i can).
Overall Rating: cringingly hilarious 3/5
Tune in next week for more of Oli's movie reviews!
posted by Gribble The Munchkin | 6:56 AM
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